读的Brendon的第二本书，看它的视频有两年多了，从这本新书里也能读到他之前讲过的很多内容，很喜欢这本书的格式，将成功者的共通点分门别类，总结筛选出6个最有用的习惯，但又不像Richard的8 to be great一样那么笼统，只列出名言，而是用他研究了几十年的脑科学、神经科学、心理学实验、无数的调查问卷，来为他的观点做背书，而且每章开头都有一个实际的例子去引导，很容易进入情景，一如既往的支持！
8月份就在亚马逊上预定了，9月18号正式发布，等到11月都还没发货，最后在淘宝上买了kindle电子书，mobi版的，还附带audio book，看了一遍，又听了一遍
书摘：
– 您在位置 #80-81的标注 | 添加于 2017年11月27日星期一 下午9:15:50
to be frank, the world cares less about your strengths and personality than about your service and meaningful contributions to others.
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– Your Highlight on Location 105-107 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 9:52:47 PM
Of course, many people are living happy, wonderful lives. But consistency is a problem. They may feel capable—even feel that they hit “peak performance” once in a while—but there’s always that steep cliff on the other side. And so people are tired of the ups and downs of peak performance. They’re wondering how to reach heightened and sustained growth and success. They
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– Your Highlight on Location 122-124 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 9:55:52 PM
Fifty years ago, perhaps, it was easier to navigate the world and get ahead. The baseline for success was more straightforward: “Work hard. Play by the rules. Keep your head down. Don’t ask too many questions. Follow the leader. Take time to master something that will keep you around here.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 124-126 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 9:56:17 PM
twenty years ago, the baseline began to shift. “Work hard. Break the rules. Keep your head up—optimists win. Ask questions of the experts. You are a leader. Hurry up and figure it out.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 128-129 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 9:57:13 PM
now. Your work isn’t as simple or siloed as it used to be. And if it is, the odds are a computer or a robot will soon replace you.
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– Your Highlight on Location 135-135 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 9:58:40 PM
You’ll never figure anything out—just keep adapting, because tomorrow everything changes again.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 142-143 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:01:24 PM
Where to now? How to go higher? Why are others climbing more quickly than I am? When, if ever, can I relax and set down some roots? Does it always have to feel like such a grind? Am I really living my best life?
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– Your Highlight on Location 145-147 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:04:30 PM
Systems are what separate the pro from the novice, and science from armchair philosophy. Without systems, you cannot test hypothesis, track progress, or repeatedly deliver exceptional results. In personal and professional development, these systems and procedures are, ultimately, habits.
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– Your Highlight on Location 148-152 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:10:15 PM
The same thing we’ve been told for hundreds of years, perhaps with a few feel-good twists: Work hard. Be passionate. Focus on your strengths. Practice a lot. Stick to it. Be grateful.
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– Your Highlight on Location 167-168 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:14:33 PM
Life is precious beyond words, and when you get a second chance—and every morning, every decision, can be that second chance—take a moment to define who you really are and what you really want.
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– Your Highlight on Location 175-177 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:16:08 PM
The advice changed my life. Over a period of years, I ended up with a good job, a good girlfriend, a good set of friends, and a decent place to live. I had much to be grateful for. But then, even while practicing all that basic good advice, I plateaued. For six or seven years, life didn’t really advance that much for me.
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– Your Highlight on Location 192-196 | Added on Monday, November 27, 2017 10:20:57 PM
I have sought answers to three fundamental questions: Why do some individuals and teams succeed more quickly than others and sustain that success over the long term? Of those who pull it off, why are some miserable and others happy on their journey? What motivates people to reach for higher levels of success in the first place, and what kinds of habits, training, and support help them improve faster?
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– Your Highlight on Location 216-217 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:12:29 AM
High performance is not achieved by a specific kind of person, but rather by a specific set of practices, which I call high performance habits.
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– Your Highlight on Location 228-229 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:17:35 AM
Achievement is not your problem—alignment is. If you’re reading these words, then the odds are that achievement is not the issue.
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– Your Highlight on Location 231-232 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:18:02 AM
Just because people want to put things on your plate because you’re good doesn’t mean you should let them. What’s achievable is not always what’s important.
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– Your Highlight on Location 239-240 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:20:51 AM
high performers outgrow their youthful need for certainty and replace it with curiosity and genuine self-confidence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 242-245 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:22:59 AM
You can have all the gadgets in the world and dive deep into the “quantified self” movement, where every step, second of sleep, beat of your heart, and moment of your day is tracked, scored, gamified. But a lot of people are connected and tracking and remain alone and troubled. Too many are checking in to all the apps and stats and still losing touch with their real ambitions and soul.
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– Your Highlight on Location 247-248 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:23:40 AM
high performance refers to succeeding beyond standard norms, consistently over the long term.
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– Your Highlight on Location 274-276 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:44:19 AM
High performance, as I define it and as the data confirms, is not about getting ahead at all costs. It’s about forming habits that help you both excel in and enrich the full spectrum of your life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 283-284 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:47:23 AM
WHAT WE KNOW ABOUT HIGH PERFORMERS
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– Your Highlight on Location 285-286 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:47:27 AM
High performers are more successful than their peers, yet they are less stressed.
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– Your Highlight on Location 290-291 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:47:33 AM
High performers love challenges and are more confident that they will achieve their goals despite adversity.
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– Your Highlight on Location 294-295 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:48:20 AM
High performers are healthier than their peers.
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– Your Highlight on Location 298-298 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:48:54 AM
High performers are happy.
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– Your Highlight on Location 303-303 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:49:43 AM
High performers are admired.
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– Your Highlight on Location 306-307 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:50:25 AM
High performers get better grades and reach higher positions of success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 310-311 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:52:52 AM
High performers work passionately regardless of traditional rewards.
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– Your Highlight on Location 317-317 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:55:40 AM
High performers are assertive (for the right reasons).
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– Your Highlight on Location 321-321 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:56:46 AM
High performers see and serve beyond their strengths.
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– Your Highlight on Location 327-328 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 8:58:05 AM
High performers are uniquely productive—they’ve mastered prolific quality output.
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– Your Highlight on Location 350-351 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:20:07 AM
High performers have simply mastered—either on purpose or by accident through necessity—six habits that matter most in reaching and sustaining long-term success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 351-352 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:20:53 AM
We call these six habits the HP6. They have to do with clarity, energy, necessity, productivity, influence, and courage.
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– Your Highlight on Location 355-357 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:22:30 AM
habits are created when we do something so many times that it becomes almost automatic. Do a simple action that’s easy to remember, do it repeatedly, and get rewarded for it, and you start to develop a habit that will soon become second nature.
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– Your Highlight on Location 359-360 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:23:35 AM
This book is not about that sort of habit. I’m not interested in teaching you simplistic routine behaviors that can be done with little or no conscious thought.
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– Your Highlight on Location 363-365 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:24:13 AM
the high performance habits you’ll learn in this book are deliberate habits. These must be consciously chosen, willed into existence, and continually revisited to strengthen your character and increase your odds of success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 367-368 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:25:56 AM
you must deliberately think about the high performance habits. You’ll have to use them as a checklist, just as a pilot uses a preflight checklist before every takeoff.
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– Your Highlight on Location 370-370 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:26:39 AM
they are captains of their own fate, not slaves to their impulses.
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– Your Highlight on Location 386-387 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:30:34 AM
many people simply feel undeserving or unready to rise to the next level. They question their value or await some external validation—promotion, certification, award—before they can start playing a bigger game. This is wrong, of course.
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– Your Highlight on Location 391-392 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:32:03 AM
So don’t ever let anyone discourage you from your ambition for a better life. Don’t minimize yourself or your dreams for any reason. It’s okay that you want more. Don’t fear your new ambitions.
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– Your Highlight on Location 400-401 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:35:10 AM
and I’ve done it for individuals and teams from all walks of life and all over the world. I’ve seen what’s possible for you, and it enlivens my entire soul as I write this sentence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 412-413 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 9:37:13 AM
To succeed, always remember that the main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.
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– Your Highlight on Location 533-534 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:31:15 AM
“Motivation is what gets you started. Habit is what keeps you going.” —Jim Rohn
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– Your Bookmark on Location 533 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:31:42 AM
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– Your Note on Location 434 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:33:12 AM
3.8 nov.28.2017
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– Your Highlight on Location 433-434 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:33:12 AM
1. Take the assessment at HighPerformanceIndicator.com.
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– Your Bookmark on Location 436 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:33:19 AM
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– Your Highlight on Location 585-590 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:40:47 AM
Seek clarity on who you want to be, how you want to interact with others, what you want, and what will bring you the greatest meaning. As every project or major initiative begins, you ask questions such as “What kind of person do I want to be while I’m doing this?” “How should I treat others?” “What are my intentions and objectives?” “What can I focus on that will bring me a sense of connection and fulfillment?” High performers ask these types of questions not only at the beginning of an endeavor but consistently throughout. They don’t just “get clarity” once and develop a mission statement that lasts the test of time; they consistently seek clarity again and again as times change and as they take on new projects or enter new social situations. This kind of routine self-monitoring is one of the hallmarks of their success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 591-592 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:41:12 AM
Generate energy so that you can maintain focus, effort, and wellbeing. To stay on your A game, you’ll need to actively care for your mental stamina, physical energy, and positive emotions in very specific ways.
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– Your Highlight on Location 593-596 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:42:01 AM
Raise the necessity for exceptional performance. This means actively tapping into the reasons you absolutely must perform well. This necessity is based on a mix of your internal standards (e.g., your identity, beliefs, values, or expectations for excellence) and external demands (e.g., social obligations, competition, public commitments, deadlines). It’s about always knowing your why and stoking that fire all the time so you feel the needed drive or pressure to get at it.
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– Your Highlight on Location 596-598 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:42:29 AM
Increase productivity in your primary field of interest. Specifically, focus on prolific quality output (PQO) in the area in which you want to be known and to drive impact. You’ll also have to minimize distractions (including opportunities) that steal your attention from creating PQO.
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– Your Highlight on Location 599-600 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:42:55 AM
Develop influence with those around you. It will make you better at getting people to believe in and support your efforts and ambitions. Unless you consciously develop a positive support network, major achievements over the long haul are all but impossible.
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– Your Highlight on Location 606-606 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:43:49 AM
these habits move the needle the most in dramatically improving performance.
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– Your Highlight on Location 611-615 | Added on Tuesday, November 28, 2017 10:46:10 AM
They wouldn’t matter if you didn’t know what you wanted and how to go get it (clarity), felt too wiped out to perform (energy), didn’t have a sense of drive or any pressure to get things done (necessity), couldn’t focus and create the outputs that matter most (productivity), lacked the people skills to get others to believe in you or support you (influence), or failed to take risks or speak up for yourself and others (courage). Without the HP6, even the most gifted person would be lost, tired, unmotivated, unproductive, alone, or fearful.
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– Your Highlight on Location 779-780 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:29:55 AM
“There are two types of people. One walks into the room and announces, ‘Here I am!’ The other walks in and says, ‘Oh, there you are!’”
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– Your Highlight on Location 778-779 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:30:30 AM
No matter what Kate is talking about, you can tell she’s genuinely interested in you.
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– Your Highlight on Location 807-808 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:37:36 AM
because she asked if I have ever felt that. When people are struggling with their emotions, they often externalize the situation and ask questions
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– Your Highlight on Location 854-855 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:46:13 AM
Soon, day-to-day motivation wanes. They begin feeling restrained or unfulfilled. They start focusing on protecting their successes versus progressing. Nothing seems thrilling anymore.
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– Your Highlight on Location 868-870 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:49:09 AM
compared with their peers, high performers have more clarity on who they are, what they want, how to get it, and what they find meaningful and fulfilling. We’ve found that if you can increase someone’s clarity, you up their overall high performance score.
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– Your Highlight on Location 876-877 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:50:13 AM
Clarity is the child of careful thought and mindful experimentation. It comes from asking yourself questions continually and further refining your perspective on life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 878-879 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:52:47 AM
successful people know the answers to certain fundamental questions: Who am I? (What do I value? What are my strengths and weaknesses?) What are my goals? What’s my plan? These questions may seem basic, but you would be surprised how much
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– Your Highlight on Location 880-881 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:59:07 AM
Clarity on who you are is associated with overall self-esteem. This means that how positive you feel about yourself is tied to how well you know yourself.
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– Your Highlight on Location 882-883 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 9:59:22 AM
That’s why self-awareness is so key to initial success. You have to know who you are, what you value, what your strengths and weaknesses are, and where you want to go.
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– Your Highlight on Location 887-887 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:00:13 AM
Choosing stretch goals in each area of your life makes a good starting place for high performance.
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– Your Highlight on Location 884-885 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:00:22 AM
Next, you need to have unambiguous and challenging goals. Decades of research show that having specific and difficult goals increases performance, whether those goals are created by you or assigned to you.
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– Your Highlight on Location 891-892 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:01:19 AM
moods—the more clarity you have, the more likely you are to get stuff done even on the days you feel lazy or tired.
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– Your Highlight on Location 892-893 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:01:32 AM
4 When you see the steps right there in front of you, it’s hard to ignore them.
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– Your Highlight on Location 920-921 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:07:30 AM
highest performers had a great ability to focus on the future and divine how they would achieve excellence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 926-928 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:08:12 AM
This “future focus” went well beyond what they wanted to become or how they would achieve what they and others wanted. They could also describe with great clarity how they wanted to feel in upcoming endeavors, and they knew specifically what conditions could destroy their enthusiasm, sense of satisfaction, and growth.
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– Your Highlight on Location 934-935 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:09:46 AM
High performers are clear on their intentions for themselves, their social world, their skills, and their service to others. I call these areas self, social, skills, and service, or the Future Four.
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– Your Highlight on Location 937-939 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:11:15 AM
there’s a difference between “know thyself” and “imagine thyself.” High performers know themselves, but they don’t get stuck there.5 They are more focused on sculpting themselves into stronger and more capable people. That’s another big difference: introspection versus intention.
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– Your Highlight on Location 941-942 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:11:48 AM
“If you could describe your ideal self in the future, the person you are trying to become, how would you describe that self?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 946-948 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:12:55 AM
Trying to imagine ourselves in the future with great clarity is hard work for anyone. That’s why most people tend to do it only once per year—that’s right, on New Year’s Eve.
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– Your Highlight on Location 954-956 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:14:46 AM
lots of people think of themselves constantly, but much of that thinking is just negative ruminations. So what makes the difference is that high performers imagine a positive version of themselves in the future, and then they actively engage in trying to be that.
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– Your Highlight on Location 958-959 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:16:01 AM
Be more intentional about who you want to become. Have vision beyond your current circumstances. Imagine your best future self, and start acting like that person today.
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– Your Highlight on Location 962-963 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:17:25 AM
Every night, lying in bed just before dozing off, I would ask myself, “Did I live fully today? Did I love? Did I matter?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 967-967 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:17:35 AM
I do because it keeps me clear and on track.
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– Your Highlight on Location 970-972 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:18:57 AM
I asked her to describe herself in various situations of her life over the past few weeks: upon coming home, while playing with her kids, when making a presentation at work, during interactions with friends, while out on a date with Mike. Then I asked her to do it again, this time describing herself in those same situations as if she were an even better future version of herself. She
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– Your Highlight on Location 976-977 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:19:52 AM
Kate was generally confident, but the issue was she had stopped envisioning a future Kate to grow into. That’s what was hurting her: no vision, no enthusiasm.
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– Your Highlight on Location 974-975 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:20:33 AM
Next, I asked her to identify three aspirational words that would describe her future self. She came up with alive, playful, and grateful.
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– Your Note on Location 985 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:35:07 AM
crystal clear / concentrative / effective
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– Your Highlight on Location 983-985 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:35:08 AM
If you could describe yourself in just three aspirational words—words that would sum up who you are at your best in the future—what would those words be?
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– Your Note on Location 985 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:35:51 AM
crystal clear / concentrative / effective
–nov 29 2017
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– Your Highlight on Location 998-1001 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:44:17 AM
I’ve found that high performers also regularly ask themselves a few primary questions right before interacting with people. They ask questions like these: How can I be a good person or leader in this upcoming situation? What will the other person(s) need? What
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– Your Highlight on Location 1007-1009 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:46:03 AM
A field study of two hundred couples in the United States who were married forty years or longer—and still reported being happy—found that the couple’s number one value and strength was respect.8 The four worst behaviors that lead to divorce—criticalness, defensiveness, contempt, and stonewalling—often
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– Your Highlight on Location 1019-1021 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:49:13 AM
When you are constantly juggling and feel depleted, you don’t think about the future. You’re just trying to survive today, and so you start to lose your clear intention for your interactions with your family and teams tomorrow.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1040-1041 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:53:09 AM
They’ve built a curriculum for themselves and are actively engaged in learning. What’s clearly linking all these blocks of scheduled time is the desire to develop specific skill sets.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1044-1046 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 10:54:30 AM
Here’s the big distinction: High performers are also working on skills that focus on what I call their primary field of interest (PFI). They aren’t scattershot learners. They’ve homed in on their passionate interests, and they set up activities or routines to develop skill in those areas.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1073-1074 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 11:00:18 AM
Look to the future. Identify key skills. Obsessively develop those skills.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1078-1079 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 11:01:26 AM
“If you leave your growth to randomness, you’ll always live in the land of mediocrity.”
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– Your Bookmark on Location 1087 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 11:35:54 AM
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– Your Bookmark on Location 1022 | Added on Wednesday, November 29, 2017 11:45:19 AM
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– Your Highlight on Location 1139-1140 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:45:31 AM
“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.” —Howard Thurman
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– Your Highlight on Location 1141-1142 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:45:55 AM
“What is the primary feeling I want to bring to this situation, and what is the primary feeling I want to get from this situation?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1144-1145 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:47:41 AM
They bumble into situations and allow those situations to define how they feel. This explains why they have low self-awareness and weak self-control.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1146-1147 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:48:34 AM
they can accurately describe their emotions, but more importantly, they can also calibrate the meaning they draw from those emotions and determine the feelings they want to endure.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1150-1151 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:50:18 AM
“If you had to describe why you’re winning now, in just three words, what would they be?” He said, “Feeling, feeling, feeling.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1151-1153 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:50:42 AM
“I got very clear about the feelings I needed in my mind and my body before I walked out onto the field, while I readied myself at the starting blocks, what I sensed in the middle of the sprint, and what I wanted to feel after I crossed the line and even all the way back into the tunnel.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1158-1159 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:51:53 AM
They can sense their emotional state in any given moment, but they often choose to override it by defining what they want to feel.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1160-1161 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:53:00 AM
many agree that emotions are different from feelings.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1161-1162 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:53:06 AM
Emotions are generally instinctive. A triggering event—which can be an external situation or simply our brain anticipating something—generates an emotional response
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– Your Highlight on Location 1169-1169 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:54:59 AM
Think of an emotion as mostly a reaction, and feeling is an interpretation.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1170-1171 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:55:24 AM
You can experience the sudden emotion of fear, but in the very next moment choose to feel centered.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1179-1180 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 11:59:15 AM
Instead of allowing the emotion to evoke the feeling of dread, I can just let it be, take a few deep breaths, and choose to feel alert yet calm.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1183-1184 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:00:00 PM
my brain will likely habituate to the new feelings. Fear suddenly doesn’t feel so bad anymore because my brain has learned that I’ll deal with it well.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1187-1188 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:00:42 PM
Emotions come and go. They’re mostly immediate, instinctive, and physical. But feelings last, and they’re often a result of rumination, which you have control over.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1193-1194 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:01:48 PM
When high performing athletes say they are trying to get in the zone, what they mean is that they are trying to use their conscious attention to narrow their focus and feel in the zone.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1195-1197 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:04:28 PM
For high level athletes and high performers from all walks of life, flow is a feeling they choose. It is summoned, not a lucky emotion that conveniently happens to show up just in time for kickoff.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1201-1204 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:09:09 PM
That’s what Kate had been forgetting. She was too often lost in a sea of unpredictable emotions. She wasn’t choosing to feel any one way over another. She wasn’t aware of how she was treating the emotions and experiences, and so she just became reactive. She wasn’t just going through the motions. She was going through the emotions, so she wasn’t really feeling life the way she wanted to anymore.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1207-1209 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:10:06 PM
think about the feelings you want to create. Before you sit down with your child to work on math, ask, “What do I want to feel when I’m helping my kid? What feelings do I want them to have about me, about homework, about their life?” This kind of clarity and intention will change how you experience life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1218-1220 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:12:11 PM
not every mountain is worth the climb. What differentiates high performers from others is their critical eye in figuring out what is going to be meaningful to their life experience.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1224-1225 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:13:24 PM
When most people talk about having “meaning at work,” they typically discuss (a) enjoyment of the tasks of work, (b) alignment of personal values with the work, and (c) fulfillment from the outcomes of the work.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1237-1238 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:15:10 PM
high performers tended to equate four factors with meaning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1233-1234 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:15:42 PM
If you had to choose between two good projects, how would you go about choosing the one that would be most meaningful to you?
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– Your Highlight on Location 1237-1238 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:15:56 PM
high performers tended to equate four factors with meaning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1238-1238 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:16:12 PM
First, they linked enthusiasm with meaning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1239-1239 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:16:33 PM
they would do the one they could be most enthusiastic about.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1244-1244 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:17:01 PM
The second link to meaning was connection.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1245-1247 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:17:18 PM
Social relationships, especially with those closest to us, are the most frequently reported sources of meaning in life.20
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– Your Highlight on Location 1251-1252 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:18:08 PM
Third, high performers relate satisfaction with meaning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1255-1256 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:18:56 PM
Passion + Growth + Contribution = Personal Satisfaction
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– Your Highlight on Location 1258-1259 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:20:07 PM
The fourth way that high performers say their efforts have meaning is by making them feel that their life “makes sense.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1258-1259 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:20:44 PM
The fourth way that high performers say their efforts have meaning is by making them feel that their life “makes sense.” Psychologists call this coherence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1261-1262 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:22:54 PM
They want to know that their efforts align with something important, that their work is significant, and that their lives are creating a legacy and feeding a larger purpose.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1266-1267 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:23:52 PM
Enthusiasm + Connection + Satisfaction + Coherence = Meaning
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– Your Highlight on Location 1291-1292 | Added on Thursday, November 30, 2017 12:40:55 PM
With greater focus will come greater clarity, and with greater clarity will come more consistent action and, ultimately, high performance.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1353-1353 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:11:48 AM
When I use the word energy in this book, then, keep in mind it means the full spectrum of mental, emotional, and physical vibrancy.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1370-1372 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:17:13 AM
In a stunning finding, CEOs and senior executives have energy equivalent to that of professional athletes. It turns out that to make it to CEO, you have to care about your energy as much as an NFL quarterback does, because it takes about the same level of energy.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1392-1394 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:33:32 AM
Stress is the ultimate energy and well-being killer. It slows the production of new brain cells, reduces serotonin and dopamine (which are critical to your mood), and fires up your amygdala while simultaneously decreasing your hippocampus function—making you a frazzled person with decreased memory.8
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– Your Highlight on Location 1398-1400 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:36:50 AM
you don’t “have” energy any more than a power plant does. A power plant transforms and transmits energy. In the same regard, you don’t “have” happiness. Rather, you transform your thoughts into feelings that are or are not happy. You don’t have to “have” sadness; you can transform it to something else.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1408-1409 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:39:13 AM
Every day, people lose tremendous amounts of focus, will, and emotional energy by managing transitions poorly.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1410-1411 | Added on Sunday, December 3, 2017 11:39:35 AM
What do I mean by transitions? Well, every morning when you wake up and start your day, you experience a transition from rest to activation. The start of your day is a transition.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1426-1427 | Added on Monday, December 4, 2017 9:27:04 AM
I’m convinced that if we can get you to change the way you shift from one activity to the next, we can revitalize your life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1433-1436 | Added on Monday, December 4, 2017 9:43:51 AM
When you feel you’ve released some tension—and it doesn’t have to be all the tension in your life!—move to the next part: SET INTENTION. This means think about what you want to feel and achieve in the next activity you’re about to take on when you open your eyes. Ask, “What energy do I want to bring into this next activity? How can I do this next activity with excellence? How can I enjoy the process?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1446-1447 | Added on Monday, December 4, 2017 10:54:44 AM
I do this RELEASE TENSION, SET INTENTION activity before and after workouts,
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– Your Highlight on Location 1488-1490 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:30:21 AM
joy plays a huge part in what makes high performers successful. You might recall that joy is one of the three defining positive emotions of the high performance experience. (Confidence and full engagement in the moment—often described as presence, flow, or mindfulness—are the other two.)
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– Your Highlight on Location 1492-1493 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:31:58 AM
I don’t know of any more important emotion than love, though I also believe that love without joy can feel hollow.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1504-1506 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:41:51 AM
It turns out that joy, more than anything else, is what gives them capital “E” Energy. If you feel joy, your mind, body, and emotional reality all get a lift.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1506-1507 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:42:05 AM
You’ve heard it said that showing up is 80 percent of success? Well, if you want to be a high performer, show up and bring the joy.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1518-1529 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:46:48 AM
high performers tend to follow similar habits every day. They tend to . . . . . . prime the emotions they want to experience, in advance of key events (or of the day in general). They think about how they want to feel, and ask themselves questions, or practice visualizations, that generate those feelings. (This aligns well with “focus on the feeling” from the previous chapter.) . . . anticipate positive outcomes from their actions. They’re optimistic and clearly believe that their actions will be rewarded. . . . imagine possible stressful situations and how their best self might gracefully handle them. As much as they anticipate positive outcomes, they’re realistic about hitting snags, and they prepare themselves for difficulties. . . . seek to insert appreciation, surprise, wonder, and challenge into their day. . . . steer social interactions toward positive emotions and experiences. They are what one respondent called “conscious goodness spreaders.” . . . reflect regularly on all that they’re grateful for. If you were to do these six things consciously and consistently, you’d feel pretty joyful, too. I know, because that’s what happened for me.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1539-1540 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 9:55:58 AM
if I didn’t set up some new mental triggers to help activate more positive emotions and experiences in life, my brain trauma would take over and my default mode would be reaction and misery.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1541-1545 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:00:00 AM
Every morning in the shower, I asked myself three questions to prime my mind for a positive day: What can I be excited about today? What or who might trip me up or cause stress, and how can I respond in a positive way, from my highest self? Who can I surprise today with a thank-you, a gift, or a moment of appreciation?
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– Your Highlight on Location 1546-1548 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:00:19 AM
Neuroscientists have found the same: Anticipation can be just as powerful in releasing hormones such as dopamine, which makes you happy, as the actual positive event.19
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– Your Highlight on Location 1557-1558 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:02:28 AM
thinking through obstacles and talking to yourself in the second person can be much more powerful than speaking in the first person.20 It allows you some perspective. I call this practice self-coaching, because
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– Your Highlight on Location 1560-1561 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:03:32 AM
This process is similar to what psychologists call “cognitive defusion,” a practice of trying to externalize and “defuse” difficult emotions or situations.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1561-1563 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:04:40 AM
a person dealing with anxiety might be taught to give a name to their anxiety—say, “Downer Dave”—so that rather than being the issue personally, the patient has an external bad guy. It allows the patient to divorce from the issue. Now they can see that external issue come knocking at their door, and they can choose to answer or not.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1576-1577 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:12:41 AM
The first trigger was what I call a “notification trigger.” I put the phrase BRING THE JOY into my phone as an alarm label. I set the alarm for three different times throughout the day, and I set the text for the label of the alarm to read BRING THE JOY!
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– Your Highlight on Location 1582-1584 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:13:01 AM
The second trigger I set was what I call a “door frame trigger.” Every time I walk through a doorway, I say to myself, “I will find the good in this room. I’m entering this space a happy man ready to serve.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1585-1587 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:13:18 AM
The third trigger I set up was a “waiting trigger.” Whenever I’m waiting in line to buy something, I ask myself, “What level of presence and vibration do I feel right now, on a scale of 1 through 10?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1588-1589 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:13:39 AM
when I feel at a level 5 or below, my mind snaps to attention and says, “Hey, man, you’re lucky to be alive. Raise your energy and enjoy life!”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1590-1591 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:13:50 AM
The fourth trigger I set up was a “touch trigger.” Whenever I’m introduced to someone, they get a hug.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1593-1594 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:14:02 AM
The fifth trigger I created was the “gift trigger.” Whenever something positive happens around me, I say, “What a gift!”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1596-1598 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:15:36 AM
they speak about the gifts in their life as a “grateful guilt”—they feel they’ve been given too much, too many opportunities, and so they deeply feel a responsibility to earn those blessings by giving back. Either way, they see their lives and blessings as a gift.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1601-1605 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:16:19 AM
The sixth trigger was a “stress trigger.” My brain injury was causing me to always feel hurried, almost panicked. And then one day I decided that hurry and stress were no longer going to be part of my life. Stress is self-created, so I decided to stop manufacturing it. I always believed that we can choose an internal calm and joy even amid the chaos, so I decided to do just that. Whenever things felt like they were getting out of hand, I’d stand up, take ten deep breaths, and ask, “What’s the positive thing I can focus on and the next right action of integrity I should take now?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1606-1608 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:16:54 AM
To complement the triggers, I began an evening journaling activity in which I wrote down three things that made me feel good during the day. Then I took just a few moments to close my eyes and actually relive them.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1608-1610 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:17:58 AM
Often, in reflection, I appreciate the moment with even more care and focus than when it happened. I laugh harder. I feel my heart beat faster. I cry more. I feel an ever greater sense of wonder,
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– Your Highlight on Location 1610-1612 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:18:08 AM
I also began doing this same thing every Sunday evening. I look back at my previous week’s gratitude entries and relive them again with just as much emotional connection.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1616-1616 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:21:38 AM
Gratitude is the golden frame through which we see the meaning of life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1622-1625 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:23:45 AM
He had two favorite triggers. His first was that whenever he felt stress and he was alone, he’d stand up, take ten deep breathes and then ask, “How would my best self handle this situation?” His other favorite was a trigger he set so that whenever his wife called his name, he would say to himself, “You are on this planet for this woman. Bring joy to her life.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1641-1644 | Added on Tuesday, December 5, 2017 10:28:29 AM
Before I began writing this chapter, I stood up from my computer, walked to the kitchen, drank a glass of water, went downstairs, rode my stationary bike for a challenging three-minute sprint, and stretched out for two minutes doing some Vinyasa flow yoga. Then I came back up to my office, sat down, closed my eyes, and did my practice of RELEASE TENSION, SET INTENTION. If you could see me backstage at my seminars, you’d see me performing a similar routine: energizing my body and preparing my mind to serve.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1644-1646 | Added on Thursday, December 7, 2017 9:31:51 AM
who, I noticed, were always improving their energy with physical movements and breathing patterns. I noticed they ate healthier and worked out more than the general public,
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– Your Highlight on Location 1686-1687 | Added on Thursday, December 7, 2017 10:40:55 AM
What other stories do you tell yourself to allow your poor health choices to continue? Tough question, I know, but it’s worth considering.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1809-1811 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:05:28 AM
“Only one who devotes himself to a cause with his whole strength and soul can be a true master. For this reason mastery demands all of a person.” —Albert Einstein
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– Your Highlight on Location 1843-1844 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:10:27 AM
Because a warrior’s destiny is greater than his wounds.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 1851-1852 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:11:50 AM
The only difference lies in whether someone decides it is necessary to get better. No necessity, no consistent action.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1852-1853 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:12:14 AM
Necessity is the emotional drive that makes great performance a must instead of a preference. Unlike weaker desires that make you want to do something, necessity demands that you take action.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1872-1874 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:24:14 AM
you cannot become extraordinary without a sense that it’s absolutely necessary to excel. You must get more emotionally committed to what you are doing, and reach that point where success (or whatever outcome you’re after) is not just an occasional preference but a soul-deep necessity.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1877-1878 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:25:23 AM
These are the factors in performance necessity (which I call the Four Forces of Necessity): identity, obsession, duty, and urgency. The first two are mostly internal. The second two are mostly external.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1877-1879 | Added on Friday, December 8, 2017 9:25:36 AM
These are the factors in performance necessity (which I call the Four Forces of Necessity): identity, obsession, duty, and urgency. The first two are mostly internal. The second two are mostly external. Each is a driving force of motivation, but together they make you predictably perform at higher levels.
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– Your Highlight on Location 1883-1885 | Added on Saturday, December 9, 2017 10:25:03 AM
“Whatever I have tried to do in life, I have tried with all my heart to do it well; whatever I have devoted myself to, I have devoted myself to completely.” —Charles Dickens
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– Your Highlight on Location 1951-1952 | Added on Saturday, December 9, 2017 10:36:41 AM
The goal for all underperformers must be to set new standards, self-monitor more frequently, and learn to become comfortable with taking a hard, unflinching look at their own performance.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2322-2323 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 9:02:20 AM
“clustering.” They found that behaviors, attitudes, and health outcomes tend to form in social clusters. The people around you even affect how much you sleep, the food that you eat, and how much money you spend or save.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2332-2335 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 9:03:50 AM
This “contagion” effect is usually relevant up to three degrees of separation. This means that it’s not just your friends and family who can affect you. Research shows that your friends’ friends exert an influence. So do your friends’ friends’ friends. With each degree of separation, the effect of your environment becomes less, with nonsignificant effects beyond three degrees of separation.30 This is why it’s so important to carefully curate who is in your social circle.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2447-2447 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 12:37:32 PM
You are only as strong and extraordinary as you give yourself reason to be.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2572-2574 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:39:28 PM
When someone says to me that work-life balance is impossible, I remind them that human beings have crossed oceans, summited the highest mountains, built skyscrapers, landed on the moon, and guided vehicles beyond the solar system. What we are capable of is remarkable, and what we will attempt is constrained only by our beliefs. And
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– Your Highlight on Location 2578-2579 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:41:07 PM
don’t point an accusing finger at the entire work-life balance conversation; point the finger at the person looking at you from the mirror, who simply refused to try.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2582-2583 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:42:21 PM
They think they’re supposed to spend equal time on work and “life.” Their expectation is a quantity expectation versus a quality expectation,
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– Your Highlight on Location 2597-2598 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:49:07 PM
I’ve found that it is useful to organize life into ten distinct categories: health, family, friends, intimate relationship (partner or marriage), mission/work, finances, adventure, hobby, spirituality, and emotion.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2600-2601 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:49:49 PM
But doesn’t it stand to reason that only from measuring something in the first place can we determine whether it’s in “balance”?
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– Your Highlight on Location 2638-2640 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 3:58:09 PM
Some researchers have argued that we need these breaks because we have limited cognitive resources and we “use up” our psychological bandwidth or self-control. While this theory has been questioned—perhaps we don’t run out of self-control and focus at all but, rather, just lose motivation
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– Your Highlight on Location 2661-2666 | Added on Sunday, December 10, 2017 4:03:07 PM
hours at home versus at work is not the issue. It’s more about their feelings and overall sense of energy. Powering through is just bad advice. Studies of the world’s top performers in dozens of fields found that they don’t necessarily practice or work longer than others. It’s that they are more effective in those practice sessions or simply have more sessions (not longer ones).28 Putting in longer hours is almost always the wrong answer if you want to reach balance, happiness, or sustained high performance. It’s counterintuitive, but it is true: By slowing down or taking a break once in a while, you work faster, leaving more time for other areas of life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2691-2692 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:12:40 AM
High performers have mastered the art of prolific quality output (PQO). They produce more high-quality output than their peers over the long term,
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– Your Highlight on Location 2702-2703 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:15:12 AM
Part of your job is to figure out what “relevant PQO” means to you. For the blogger, it might mean more frequent and better content.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2706-2708 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:15:35 AM
Figuring out what you are supposed to produce, and learning the priorities in the creation, quality, and frequency of that output, is one of the greatest breakthroughs you can have in your career.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2708-2710 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:16:25 AM
Look back to almost any business icon, and you see a turning point in their career and wealth, which came about when they discovered their PQO. For Steve Jobs, it was dumping a bunch of products from Apple’s list so he could focus on massively scaling fewer products, which would change the world.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2718-2719 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:19:03 AM
One of the great realizations of life can come from discovering that the outputs you are being compensated for are not exciting or fulfilling. When that realization comes, it’s time to honor that truth and make a change.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2722-2724 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:20:01 AM
I made the mistake of going to dozens of conferences to try to figure out each of the industries, without realizing that they all were the same career of being a thought leader and had similar outputs that mattered most.32
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– Your Highlight on Location 2727-2731 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:22:11 AM
café, I realized I’d spent all day “working” but had nothing really to show for it. I thought, Not one thing I’ve done today is going to advance my career or be remembered—by me or anyone else—ten years from now. I still remember that conversation in my head: “If you’re honest with yourself, you want to create things that matter. You want to know that a good day’s work produces something worthwhile, something that will be part of your important contributions to others and the world, something that shows you care about your craft.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 2725-2725 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:22:27 AM
For almost a year, casting about with no clarity on which outputs really mattered, I was a mess.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2733-2735 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:24:48 AM
What changed the trajectory of my career that day was deciding, on a single page, what my PQOs would be. If I was going to be a real writer, then my productive output needed to become books.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2766-2768 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:39:46 AM
Why don’t more people focus on producing prolific quality output, especially given that they still have the 40 percent allocation for dealing with the inevitable obligations of work? The most common excuses (Is delusions a better word?) are procrastination and perfectionism.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2770-2772 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:40:29 AM
procrastination is really a motivational problem.33 It’s an issue that arises because you’re not working on things that intrinsically matter to you.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2776-2778 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:42:30 AM
Perfectionism, though, is just a delay logic fancied up to look respectable. The reason people don’t finish more things isn’t perfectionism; it’s that they rarely even begin or they get tangled up in doubt or distraction.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2807-2808 | Added on Monday, December 11, 2017 11:48:58 AM
But when they start making a lot of things happen with no unifying trajectory, they begin losing their power.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2813-2814 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:06:35 AM
To become a high performer requires thinking more before acting.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2827-2829 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:09:38 AM
If I can’t discern from your weekly and monthly calendar what major moves you are working toward, then you’re not optimizing your time and you’re at risk of getting sucked into a life of reaction and distraction. That, or you’re just going to have to take years getting a result that others could do in months.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2886-2887 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:21:25 AM
And that’s the magic of knowing your Five Moves. By knowing the first major activity, then the second, then the third, then the fourth, then the fifth, you have a map, a plan, a clear path forward. You don’t get distracted.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2895-2895 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:23:16 AM
Five moves. Sixty days. Number one bestseller.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2906-2911 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:25:58 AM
It’s a simple process that my clients have used over and over again to achieve equally impressive results: Decide what you want. Determine the Five Major Moves that will help you leap toward that goal. Do deep work on each of the major five moves—at least 60 percent of your workweek going to these efforts—until they are complete. Designate all else as distraction, tasks to delegate, or things to do in blocks of time you’ve allocated in the remaining 40 percent of your time.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2911-2913 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:39:04 AM
I know, this seems almost too simplistic. But I can’t tell you how many hopeful strivers I meet who can’t quickly answer “What are the five major projects you are working on, in sequential order, to achieve what you want?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 2943-2946 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:48:18 AM
When we say “skill,” we often mean a broad range of knowledge and capabilities that allow you to perform adequately in any given area. General skills might include communication, problem solving, systems thinking, project management, teamwork, and conflict management. There are also specific skills for any given task or company, such as coding, video production, finance, and computational skills. And, of course, there are personal skills such as self-control, resilience, and other forms of emotional intelligence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2971-2972 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:52:59 AM
Whenever you want to master a skill, you have two choices: You can hope to develop that skill with some practice and repetition, or you can ensure that you become world-class in that skill through progressive mastery.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2981-2986 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:55:14 AM
These are the steps to progressive mastery: Determine a skill that you want to master. Set specific stretch goals on your path to developing that skill. Attach high levels of emotion and meaning to your journey and your results. Identify the factors critical to success, and develop your strengths in those areas (and fix your weaknesses with equal fervor). Develop visualizations that clearly imagine what success and failure look like.
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– Your Highlight on Location 2986-2990 | Added on Tuesday, December 12, 2017 9:55:20 AM
Schedule challenging practices developed by experts or through careful thought. Measure your progress and get outside feedback. Socialize your learning and efforts by practicing or competing with others. Continue setting higher-level goals so that you keep improving. Teach others what you are learning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3105-3106 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2017 10:28:33 AM
Juan struggles with the questions as if searching for a long-forgotten memory. In the heat of battle, we often forget the promises we broke that drew the other side’s guns.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3116-3118 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2017 10:30:20 AM
“Raising ambition. The only way to influence another person is to first relate with them and then help raise their ambition to think better, do better, or give more.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3121-3122 | Added on Wednesday, December 13, 2017 10:34:14 AM
you can’t influence a person in any useful way by diminishing them or putting out the fire in their belly. People only like to work with leaders who make them think bigger and grow more.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3154-3157 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 10:54:50 AM
we all know someone who gives and gives and gives but can’t rally others around them to help out. There is nuance to this. Influence is strongly correlated with feeling like you’re making a difference.2 So it’s not about feeling like you are giving more than others; it’s about feeling like your efforts are making an impact.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3168-3170 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 10:55:47 AM
“Well, I’m not an extrovert, so I can’t be influential,” or “I’m not a good people person,” or “I don’t like trying to persuade people.” Somehow, these people believe that personality has a connection to influence. But that’s just not true.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3182-3184 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 10:58:41 AM
let’s define “having influence” as the ability to shape other people’s beliefs and behaviors as you desire. It means you can get people to believe in you or your ideas, buy from you, follow you, or take actions that you request of them.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3187-3189 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 10:59:50 AM
One reason people struggle to gain influence in their personal and professional lives is that they simply don’t ask for what they want. This is, in part, because people drastically underestimate the willingness of others to engage and help.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3191-3192 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:00:12 AM
Another reason people fail to ask is because they think the other person will judge them harshly.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3195-3196 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:01:56 AM
Part of gaining influence is simply learning to make a lot of requests and getting better at making those requests (which comes only with practice).
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– Your Highlight on Location 3202-3205 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:08:39 AM
Most people aren’t thinking about you at all. And even when you put yourself in front of them to make a request and they say no, within minutes they’re right back to not thinking about you. They’re not sitting there judging you; they’re too busy dealing with their own life. So you might as well get on with it and ask. Otherwise, you’ve set aside your dreams for judgments that probably don’t even exist.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3209-3209 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:10:04 AM
Finally, when you do ask for what you want in life, don’t just ask once and quit.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3211-3212 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:11:22 AM
The more you ask and share your ideas, the more people become familiar and comfortable with your requests, and the more they start to like the idea.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3221-3221 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:13:00 AM
Give and You Shall Receive
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– Your Highlight on Location 3222-3223 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:13:15 AM
In just about any area of endeavor, giving to others with no expectation of return increases your overall success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3224-3225 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:13:41 AM
often you can double your ability to influence others by giving before you ask for something.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3249-3249 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:22:48 AM
Appreciating people is one step. The next is to become their champion.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3249-3250 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:23:06 AM
Appreciating people is one step. The next is to become their champion. Find out what your people are passionate about, and cheer on their good ideas. Be excited for people when they do a good job, and publicly praise them.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3250-3251 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:23:31 AM
The ultimate measure of whether you really support someone is to trust them, give them the autonomy to make important decisions,
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– Your Highlight on Location 3265-3270 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:32:42 AM
Typically, those who positively influence people the most have something in common. They exert an effect on us, deliberately or not, by executing one or more of three influence actions. First, they shape how we think. By their example, lessons they impart, or things they say to us, they open our eyes and make us think differently about ourselves, others, or the world. Second, they challenge us in some way. They call us out on our stuff, or they raise our ambitions to be better in our personal life, relationships, and contributions to the world. Third, they serve as role models. Their character, how they interact with us and others, or how they met the challenges of life inspires us.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3272-3273 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:33:19 AM
I call these three influence actions the Ultimate Influence Model.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3282-3284 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:35:11 AM
To gain influence with others, (1) teach them how to think about themselves, others, and the world; (2) challenge them to develop their character, connections, and contributions; and (3) role model the values you wish to see them embody.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3290-3293 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:36:36 AM
“Think of it this way . . .” “What do you think about . . .” “What would happen if we tried . . .” “How should we approach . . .” “What should we be paying attention to . . .”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3300-3300 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 11:38:37 AM
When people complain, be they children or our peers at work, we have an extraordinary opportunity to direct their thinking.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3327-3329 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 12:48:03 PM
When they said in their bedrooms, we’d brag that we were camping out in our living room. My parents made a difficult situation fun. Turning adversity into a good time is one of life’s highest arts, and Mom and Dad were good at it.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3384-3385 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 1:58:43 PM
they trusted in the goodness of others in general, and showed me that with patience, grace, and humor, people could open up, change, and be friendly.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3401-3403 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 2:10:16 PM
If you could follow them around as they lead their lives, you would see that they consistently challenge others to raise the bar. They push people to get better, and they don’t apologize for it. This is perhaps the most difficult practice in this entire book to implement. People are afraid to challenge others.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3412-3414 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 2:59:54 PM
people are shying away from setting standards with others. “Setting standards” is really just another way to say “issuing positive challenges.” People think that challenging others will lead to conflict. But that’s rarely true, especially when dealing with high performers—they like it.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3422-3424 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:01:46 PM
Influencers challenge others in three realms. First, they challenge their character. This means they give people feedback, direction, and high expectations for living up to universal values such as honesty, integrity, responsibility, self-control, patience, hard work, and persistence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3425-3427 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:02:28 PM
I’ll bet someone influential in your life once told you, “You could do better,” or “You’re a better person than that,” or “I expected more from you.” These were standard setting statements that challenged your character.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3428-3429 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:02:55 PM
indirect challenge. Asking someone, “How would your best self approach this situation?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3431-3432 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:03:26 PM
“Looking back, do you feel you gave it your all?” “Are you bringing the best of you to this situation?” “What values were you trying to embody when you did that?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3433-3435 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:04:03 PM
they can challenge themselves in future scenarios. Ask, “What kind of person do you want to be remembered as? What would life look like if you gave your all? Where are you making excuses, and how might life turn out differently if you showed up stronger?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3436-3436 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:04:14 PM
The second area where you can challenge others concerns their connections with others—their relationships.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3453-3453 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:07:28 PM
The third area where you can challenge others is in their contributions. You push them to add more value or to be more generous.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3458-3459 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:08:54 PM
In almost every in-depth interview I’ve done, it’s clear that high performers are future oriented when challenging someone to contribute something meaningful.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3489-3490 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:20:09 PM
She had this way of praising and challenging me that just worked. I suppose you could say our relationship began through her challenging my contributions.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3511-3512 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:24:35 PM
Every weekend and every late night spent working to make our deadline, Linda was there. She always role modeled what she wanted us to do as journalists:
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– Your Highlight on Location 3524-3525 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 3:27:04 PM
What made her so remarkable? It comes down to three things: She taught us how to think. She challenged us. And she role modeled the way to influence a team to perform with excellence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3605-3606 | Added on Thursday, December 14, 2017 4:02:35 PM
“You will get all you want in life if you help enough other people get what they want.” —Zig Ziglar
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– Your Highlight on Location 3668-3670 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:14:28 AM
No, the kinds of courageous acts that you are proud of at the end of your life are those where you faced uncertainty and real risk, where the stakes mattered, when you did something for a cause or person beyond yourself, without any assurance of safety, reward, or success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3725-3726 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:37:20 AM
But why are happy people more courageous?
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– Your Highlight on Location 3727-3729 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:37:55 AM
“When you’re happy, you worry less about yourself and can focus on others,” “Happiness makes you think you can do incredible things,” and “To have gotten to a point of being happy in your life, you have to have developed some self-control, and once you have that, you feel more capable of taking control in uncertain situations.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3735-3736 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:39:52 AM
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear, not absence of fear.” —Mark Twain
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– Your Highlight on Location 3743-3745 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:43:47 AM
This happens to all of us. The more we do something successfully, the more comfortable we become with it. That’s why it’s so important for you to start living a more courageous life now. The more actions you take facing fear, expressing yourself, and helping others, the easier and less stressful these actions become.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3746-3748 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:45:01 AM
Courage, it turns out, is contagious, just like panic or cowardice.7 If your kids see you fearful of life, they’ll feel it—and they’ll model it.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3753-3754 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:47:56 AM
physical courage, when you put yourself in harm’s way to meet a noble goal—for example, jumping into an intersection to save someone from being hit by a car.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3755-3756 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:48:20 AM
Moral courage is speaking up for others or enduring hardship for what you believe is right, to serve the greater good. Stopping someone from bullying a stranger,
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– Your Highlight on Location 3757-3758 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:49:01 AM
Moral courage shows in selfless acts that protect values or advance principles to benefit the common good. It’s about social responsibility, altruism, “doing what’s right.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3759-3761 | Added on Saturday, December 16, 2017 10:50:23 AM
Psychological courage is the act of facing or overcoming your own anxieties, insecurities, and mental fears to (a) assert your authentic self instead of conforming—showing the world who you really are even if someone might not like it—or (b) experience personal growth even if it’s only a private victory.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3786-3786 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 2:52:18 PM
You are capable of remarkable things that you could never foretell and will never discover without taking action.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3796-3796 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 2:54:35 PM
“Don’t complain,” dozens of high performers told me. “Act.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3798-3799 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 2:55:34 PM
habit—were those where courage had been planned for. People knew what they were afraid of, and so they prepared themselves. They studied. They got mentors. Then they faced their fears. Only when our fears become our growth plan have we stepped onto the path of mastery.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3801-3801 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 2:56:05 PM
Courage is most often judged from the eye of the actor.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3803-3805 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:07:19 PM
If your future best self—a version of you ten years older, who is even stronger, more capable, and more successful than you imagined yourself to be—showed up on your doorstep today and looked at your current circumstances, what courageous action would that future self advise you to take right away to change your life? How would your future self tell you to live?
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– Your Highlight on Location 3818-3820 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:11:00 PM
They would show me their vision boards from some seminar, and I would ask, “So what are the top three big leaps you’re going to make, starting on Monday, now that you have these new vision boards?” They usually lacked any sort of response or plan, never understanding that one act of courage is better than a hundred vision boards!
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– Your Highlight on Location 3829-3830 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:13:05 PM
We’ll have to stop getting so annoyed and start seeing the struggle as part of growing our character. We must learn to honor the struggle.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3834-3835 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:14:26 PM
The presupposition in these statements is that people are lazy, hate challenge, and will trade growth for comfort and certainty.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3839-3842 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:15:36 PM
We’re surrounded by memes and media and influencers telling us we’re not supposed to struggle, that life should just be an easy flow or we’re on the wrong track. Imagine what that’s doing to our abilities. Imagine what that is doing to our odds of ever taking courageous action. If we keep telling people to do what’s easy, why would they ever think to do what’s hard?
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– Your Highlight on Location 3847-3849 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:17:15 PM
I’m sure older generations could tell us about a time when struggle wasn’t something to be avoided. They knew that living a comfortable life free of all difficulty and all passion was never the goal. They didn’t expect to have a smooth ride. They would tell us that toil and struggle are the fire in which we forge character. They
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– Your Highlight on Location 3858-3859 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:19:10 PM
When we learn to see struggle as a necessary, important, and positive part of our journey, then we can find true peace and personal power.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3861-3863 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:20:50 PM
Our most recent research also backs up this idea of honoring the struggle. One of the strongest predictors we’ve found is that courageous people agree with the statements “I love trying to master new challenges” and “I’m confident I can achieve my goals despite challenges or resistance.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 3866-3868 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 3:23:38 PM
Our findings align with decades of psychological research on people with a growth mindset. People with such a mindset believe they can improve, love a challenge, and engage with difficulty rather than run from it. They don’t fear failure as much as others do,
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– Your Highlight on Location 3901-3902 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 4:23:33 PM
I learned from working with members of the US Army Special Forces. They told me about a common maxim they use to help people realize they must deal with the hardships of service: Embrace the suck.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3906-3907 | Added on Sunday, December 17, 2017 4:24:43 PM
The second saying that might serve you in embracing and honoring the struggle: You will make it through.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3931-3932 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:29:28 AM
You’ll find no lasting joy in seeking acknowledgment from others. If it comes, it’ll never be enough.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3947-3948 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:33:15 AM
They felt they had to minimize their dreams, keep their big ideas bottled up, dumb themselves down, tone it down, look down—all so others could feel good about themselves.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3954-3956 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:37:06 AM
Even if they don’t support you or believe in you, at least you lived your life. At least you put it all on the table. At least you honored the hopes of your heart and the calling of your soul. In your full expression lies your freedom. My friend, your next level of performance begins at your next level of truth.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3978-3979 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:41:11 AM
there’s nothing humble in saying, “I’d better not shine, because the timid souls around me couldn’t handle it.” Please.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3988-3988 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:43:04 AM
Ultimately, you must ask which your life is about: fear or freedom? One choice is the cage. The other—that’s courage.
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– Your Highlight on Location 3997-3999 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:46:17 AM
They don’t ask for help. If you don’t ask for help, the right people can’t come into your life. So if the universe isn’t giving you what you want, perhaps it’s because amid all your distractions and silence, the universe just doesn’t know what you’re asking for.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4000-4004 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:49:06 AM
“When I finally started voicing my dreams to do this. Suddenly, people started pointing me in the right direction. They told me what to do, what skills I would need, who I should talk to, what equipment the pros used, who the best coaches were. I learned that if you open your mouth and shout from the rooftops what you want to do with your life, sure, some village idiots will show up and shout back all the reasons why you can’t. But all the village leaders come over and want to help. Life’s great that way.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4019-4020 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:53:25 AM
just make it a daily practice to be sharing your thoughts and goals and feelings with others. Every day, share something with someone about what you really think and want in life.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4055-4056 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 9:58:03 AM
Not all good habits lead to impressive results—especially when a key ingredient is missing.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4061-4064 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 10:00:07 AM
At that moment, something inside me snapped or opened up or fell into place. Maybe my level of performance up to that point was okay for my preferences or needs in life. But I wasn’t going to let my weak motivation or bad habits diminish the life of this woman who believed in me when everyone else thought I was crazy,
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– Your Highlight on Location 4076-4078 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 10:04:31 AM
Each of the highest performing people I interviewed told me about someone who inspired them to excel. They all had a reason, and that reason was often a person, not always a purpose or a group of people. Most often, just one person.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4081-4083 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 10:04:59 AM
The historical research on courage, in general, suggests that people do things for noble causes beyond themselves. For high performers, that noble cause usually happens to be just one person or a few people.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4095-4096 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 10:06:48 AM
Sometimes, courage appears to be a spontaneous act. But what I have found is that it’s usually an expression or action built up from years of caring deeply about something or someone.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4107-4107 | Added on Monday, December 18, 2017 10:10:03 AM
So no matter what happens, trust in yourself and lean forward. The next level opens after your next courageous step.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4171-4172 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:12:26 AM
It’s about the calamitous fall from grace that high performers can experience when they get so good that they forget what made them successful.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4204-4206 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:19:00 AM
The real traps are internal—negative patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving that slowly kill our humanity, zest, and well-being. The traps are superiority, dissatisfaction, and neglect.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4226-4231 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:26:48 AM
See? Superiority draws us off track a quarter inch at a time. When it has a firm hold on us, we begin acting out like jerks. We stop asking people for their input or help because we think we’re always right. We lose awareness of others’ contributions and powers. We end up soloing and we destroy the sense of connection and camaraderie that makes high achievement fun and worthwhile. We dismiss people and we speak in tones of condescension. We start falling prey more often to confirmation bias—interpreting what we see as confirmation of our own beliefs, while neglecting or discounting the evidence against it.1 We lose ourselves to thoughts of superiority that ultimately destroy our relationships and our performance.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4233-4234 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:27:21 AM
When is the easy part. The roots of superiority always begin to grow in the soil of separateness and certainty. It’s that moment when you begin to think you are separate from others, or certain about anything, that you are in greatest danger.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4242-4247 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:45:36 AM
What these thoughts have in common is a sense of separateness. You just feel so much more capable or accomplished than others that, in your mind, there is you at the top and then everyone else. It’s this separateness that fueled Don’s belief that “it’s lonely at the top.” Yet Don isn’t alone. A lot of people believe this bizarre idea. People say it because they think others can’t possibly comprehend their lives. The problem is, this thought is inaccurate and obscenely destructive. If you ever feel as if the world can’t understand you, then—and I won’t bother looking for a gentler way to say this—it’s time to pop the bubble you’ve been hanging out in.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4249-4249 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:46:15 AM
All isolation is ultimately self-imposed.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4262-4264 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:48:27 AM
Yes, you can tell yourself that no one on your team “gets it,” but that’s just your ego blinding you to the value that others can ultimately add. Discounting others doesn’t make you a greater person; you are just choosing to be more separate, ultimately making yourself more vulnerable to failure.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4273-4276 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:52:49 AM
I’ll have to remind them that someone, somewhere, is smarter, earns more, serves better, trains harder, and positively affects more people than they do. I don’t say that to diminish these paragons, but to connect them to another reality: that whoever you are, what seems a big issue to you, what might be separating you from others in your circle of influence, might be child’s play to a bigger fish in another pond.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4283-4284 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:54:51 AM
You can’t maximize your potential while minimizing others. What you have attained in life isn’t because you’re all that special, but because you’re all that blessed.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4287-4290 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:56:11 AM
That’s why I often have to remind the superior minded: You are not better than anyone. You likely just got more exposure to your topic; you had more information or opportunity available to you; you got trained better; you had the opportunity to put in more passion or deliberate practice over more time; you had the opportunity to receive good feedback and guidance. These things are not inherent to who you are. These things, if given to another person, would help them rise to your level. True?
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– Your Highlight on Location 4298-4301 | Added on Tuesday, December 19, 2017 9:59:30 AM
So let’s be honest: You were once a mess, too, or did you forget already? But you improved. Give others that same opportunity. When you remember that you, too, struggled, and you remind yourself that others can dramatically improve themselves, that’s when you start to be more compassionate. That’s when you start to beat back any hint of a superiority complex.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4318-4319 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:09:38 AM
For all these reasons, we must beware of separateness and certainty. So what’s the solution? I’ve found that the first step is always awareness.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4327-4328 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:12:57 AM
deliberately seek others’ ideas for improving anything you do: If you could improve on my idea, how would you go about it?
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– Your Highlight on Location 4330-4332 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:13:33 AM
hire a coach, trainer, or therapist. Yes, hire someone. Sometimes, your immediate peer group can’t see beyond their knowledge of you. Sometimes, they’re not qualified or available to help you through a specific challenge or period of life. Professionals can help you explore issues,
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– Your Highlight on Location 4336-4337 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:13:57 AM
remind yourself that trust is earned through caring for others, not bragging about yourself. Challenge yourself to ask people more questions about who they are, where they come from, what they want to achieve.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4340-4343 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:15:11 AM
take ownership of your actions by reflecting on your role. After a conflict, ask yourself, “Am I distorting this situation in any way to make myself feel like the misunderstood hero? Am I spinning a story to make myself feel better? Am I trying to make excuses or play the victim to protect my ego? What were my actions that contributed to the issues at hand? What might I not know about this person or their situation?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4344-4345 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:15:33 AM
meaning the more grateful you are, the more humble you feel. And the more humble you feel, the more grateful you are.6
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– Your Highlight on Location 4371-4372 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:54:59 AM
High performers are, in fact, happier than most people. They feel satisfied and well rewarded in their careers, and they cultivate experiences that are more positive than negative, with joy often at the heart of their endeavors.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4360-4361 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:55:26 AM
“Be satisfied with success in even the smallest matter, and think that even such a result is no trifle.” —Marcus Aurelius
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– Your Highlight on Location 4375-4376 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:57:22 AM
There is a long-standing cultural sensibility that says we should never be satisfied with our work, because satisfaction would somehow lead to complacency. But does satisfaction really drain our motivation or weaken our resolve for excellence?
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– Your Highlight on Location 4379-4381 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:58:17 AM
Those who are never satisfied are never at peace. They can’t tune in to their zone—the noise of a dissatisfied mind prevents them from finding a rhythm that makes them feel alive and effective. If I cannot sense satisfaction in the moment, then I am not feeling connection or gratitude for the moment. Dissatisfaction is disconnection,
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– Your Highlight on Location 4384-4386 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 9:59:51 AM
nothing-is-good-enough, never-settle mentality also compels them to discard too quickly what’s in front of them and move on to the next iteration or thing. And with that, no real appreciation or memory of achievement is forged in their mind, and so they are just busy and empty ghosts on a hunt for some dream day when they might have perfection.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4388-4394 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:02:27 AM
The never-settle, unhappy striver mentality is akin to what researchers call maladaptive perfectionism.8 This is the kind of perfectionism in which you have high standards—often a good thing—but are always beating yourself up for any imperfection (a bad thing). This can cause such high cognitive anxiety over making mistakes that optimal performance is all but impossible. Obsessive concern over mistakes has been associated with several negative outcomes, including anxiety, low confidence, a failure orientation, and negative reactions to basic mistakes during competition.9 And the kicker is that no matter what you do or what you achieve, you’ll always be dissatisfied. It’s a miserable loop to be caught in,
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– Your Highlight on Location 4395-4397 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:03:25 AM
why do so many people think you have to be dissatisfied to succeed? Because it feels natural and automatic. It’s easy to be dissatisfied, because noticing what’s wrong in a situation is a habit of evolution.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4397-4397 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:06:48 AM
Often called the negativity bias, this never-ending scouting for errors and anomalies helps our species survive.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4409-4411 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:09:21 AM
When you speak to people who are fond of that instruction, and ask them to turn it into a positive takeaway, they say such things as “Stay motivated”; “Notice what’s not working and improve it”; “Care about perfecting the details”; “Set your sights on bigger goals as you grow”; “Keep moving forward.” The truth is, you can do all these things and still be satisfied.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4412-4413 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:10:54 AM
Being satisfied, then, doesn’t mean “settling.” It simply means accepting and taking pleasure in what is. It’s allowing yourself to feel contentment whether or not a thing is complete or “perfect.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4415-4416 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:11:58 AM
As I shoot my videos, I’m satisfied even though I know I could do better with more time or practice and that no matter what I do, plenty of people won’t like the result.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4418-4419 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:13:09 AM
I’ve just made what I consider a simple choice in life: to be a satisfied striver rather than a dissatisfied curmudgeon. Whistle while you work, or grit your teeth and huff and puff? It’s a choice.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4420-4423 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:14:13 AM
Your path ahead doesn’t have to feel so negative anymore, and if you allow dissatisfaction to be your approach, your cross, your brand, then the odds are, you will soon see your performance lag. We all need the payoff of satisfaction and fulfillment at some point. If you keep cheating yourself of it, then that neglect will be your Achilles’ heel.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4426-4427 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:15:21 AM
too often we give credit to the forefront negative emotions and experiences in life and miss the real causes of success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4423-4424 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:15:33 AM
Perhaps dissatisfaction wasn’t really what made you good in the first place. What you are correlating with your success may not be the cause.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4440-4442 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:19:29 AM
We’ve found that leaders who are always stuck in error-detection mode and forget to celebrate the small wins also consistently fail to acknowledge progress, praise the team, encourage reflection, and champion other people’s ideas.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4444-4446 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:20:24 AM
I suggest a big-picture reminder: Life is short, so decide to enjoy it. Instead of discontent, bring joy and honor to what you do. I promise you’ll start feeling more alive, motivated, and fulfilled.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4448-4449 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:24:07 AM
Yesterday did not make it through last night, and this morning’s sunlight belongs to a fresh new day.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4454-4454 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:25:22 AM
enjoy the journey, and record your wins.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4473-4474 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:28:00 AM
Don’t just hope to arrive somewhere someday and finally feel satisfied. Strive satisfied.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4487-4487 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:33:42 AM
Often, then, it’s not what you do that unseats you from high performance, but what you don’t do.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4494-4495 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:36:02 AM
“I knew I was juggling too many balls,” they’ll often say, “but I hadn’t realized it was so bad until . . .” It’s that last word: until. I can’t describe how many times I’ve heard that word emphasized with a tone of pain and regret.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4499-4502 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:38:34 AM
Underperformers often blame other people or lack of time. “I didn’t have enough support, so I couldn’t do everything, and something had to give.” Or “There just aren’t enough hours in the day to do it all.” No doubt, we could all justify neglecting parts of our lives for these reasons. It’s just that high performers rarely do.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4505-4507 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:39:43 AM
Obliviousness is the less used excuse of the two, but a destructive culprit nonetheless. It means you are so focused in one area that you are completely unaware of the growing problems in another. High performers who started losing explain it by saying, “I was so obsessed with work, I honestly didn’t realize I was getting so fat.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4511-4513 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:40:53 AM
Part of the reason it’s so painful is that the things that they believe helped them climb to success—hard work, focus, and persistence—became the very things that caused their demise.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4513-4514 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:42:03 AM
sometimes tenacity and grit, held for too long, can actually undermine well-being and good health, make us miss alternative paths to a goal, and even cause us to neglect opportunities for collaboration.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4518-4518 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:42:26 AM
There are always warning signs along the road to disaster. We just have to pay attention.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4520-4524 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:43:40 AM
The solution is to keep perspective in life by keeping an eye on the quality or progress of the major life arenas. A simple weekly review of what we’re after in the major areas of our life helps us rebalance or at least plan for more balance. I’ve found it useful to organize life into ten distinct categories: health, family, friends, intimate relationship, mission/work, finances, adventure, hobby, spirituality, and emotion.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4533-4535 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:46:12 AM
According to the high performers who failed to maintain their success, overreaching was a problem that stemmed from an insatiable desire for more, coupled with an unrealistic sense of what is possible in a short time frame, which led to overcommitment.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4536-4538 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:47:16 AM
When you’re good, you want to take on more. But beware the impulse. High performance isn’t about more for the sake of more, just because you can. It’s often about less—zeroing in on just those few things that matter and protecting your time and well-being so you can truly engage those around you, enjoy your craft, and confidently handle your responsibilities.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4541-4542 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:47:58 AM
I can usually tell whether someone is about to fail, by asking a simple question: “Do you feel seriously overcommitted right now?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4542-4545 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:49:38 AM
New achievers, I’ve found, almost always agree. Their initial success came from saying yes to almost everything that came across the plate, because they were still testing their capabilities, learning their strengths, trying to find the right thing, hoping to strike while the iron was hot. They feared they would miss out on something, and at some point, they overestimated their ability to handle things.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4546-4548 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:50:10 AM
Here’s the difficult mindset shift you’ll have to make once you hit high performance. It will feel in some ways like the antithesis of what you’ve been doing, like a dangerous and opposite approach, but it’s vitally important: Slow down, be more strategic, and say no more often.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4554-4555 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:53:05 AM
But don’t overcommit yourself just because you’re good at what you do. It’s a short hop from badass to burnout.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4569-4570 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:55:09 AM
“Yes” got you into the game. Taking on a lot and pursuing a lot of interests helped you figure out your “thing.” But now that you’re succeeding, more yeses can start hurting you. “No” keeps you focused.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4571-4573 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:56:15 AM
Strategic thinking means stripping things down to the essentials and planning their accomplishment out over months and years. This is hard, but you have to weigh opportunities differently now, measuring them against a much longer horizon.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4573-4574 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:56:42 AM
You have to be executing against a plan—your five moves—that’s
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– Your Highlight on Location 4573-4574 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:56:54 AM
You have to be executing against a plan—your five moves—that’s already in place for the next several months.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4575-4576 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:57:52 AM
Most opportunities in life that are really worthwhile and meaningful will still be here six months from now. If that’s hard to believe, it’s just because you’re new to success.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4578-4579 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:58:13 AM
“Sometimes, we’re so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up.”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4578-4580 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:58:34 AM
“Sometimes, we’re so concerned about giving our children what we never had growing up, we neglect to give them what we did have growing up.” —James Dobson
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– Your Highlight on Location 4583-4584 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:59:28 AM
“What are the five main reasons I’ve succeeded so far in life?” Put those five things on your Sunday review list, too. Ask, “Am I continuing to do the things that have made me successful?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4584-4585 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 10:59:45 AM
the best way to avoid neglecting something important to us is to teach others to value that very thing.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4650-4651 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:13:36 AM
And so far nothing we’ve found correlates with high performance scores across the board more than confidence. Confidence is the secret ingredient that makes you rise to the challenge.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4665-4666 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:16:20 AM
Why would confidence help us avoid burnout? High performers tell me it’s because when you are more confident, you are more willing to say no and more sure of what to focus on, which makes you more efficient and less prone to distraction.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4661-4661 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:16:56 AM
this kind of confidence—often called self-efficacy—predicts exceptional performance and happiness.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4684-4685 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:20:05 AM
High performers do have more confidence than most people, but not by birthright, luck, or superhuman skill.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4686-4687 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:20:21 AM
They almost universally reported that their confidence came from purposeful thinking and action.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4690-4690 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:20:45 AM
I can bucket my findings in three areas: competence, congruence, and connection.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4696-4697 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:22:32 AM
This means that the more knowledge, skill, ability, or talent—that is, competence—you have at a given task, the more likely you are to be confident and perform well. I’ve been teaching about this “confidence-competence loop” since 1997,
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– Your Highlight on Location 4704-4704 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:23:53 AM
Confidence is not a fixed personality trait. It’s a muscle you build through exertion.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4713-4714 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:27:23 AM
High performers have confidence not only because of past skill acquired in a specific area, but equally from trust in their ability to gain future competence.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4716-4718 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:27:59 AM
High performers are learners, and their belief that they can learn what is necessary to win in the future gives them as much confidence as their current skill sets.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4729-4730 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:30:11 AM
High performers ponder the lessons from their wins. They give credit to themselves, and they allow those wins to integrate into their psyche and give them greater strength.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4735-4736 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:31:19 AM
That’s why, as you strive, it’s important that you begin a practice of reflecting on your progress and your new learning.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4748-4748 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:32:20 AM
Living in congruence with the best of who we are is one of the primary motivations of humankind.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4767-4768 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:37:00 AM
They shaped their identity by conscious will and have aligned their thoughts, feelings, and behaviors to support that identity.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4772-4775 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:37:57 AM
“faking it to make it.” Though six of the thirty people I interviewed mentioned that phrase as something they did earlier in their lives or careers, none agreed that they were still “faking it.” Instead, high performers seem to wake up each day and have a clear intention of who they really want to be, and then they go out into the world and give that intention real focus and energy. A sense of authenticity, pride, self-trust, and confidence comes from those congruent actions.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4782-4783 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:39:37 AM
Confidence comes from being truthful with yourself and others. You have to avoid the little lies that can easily tear at the fabric of your character.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4800-4801 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:41:46 AM
They’ve discovered that it is by connecting with others that they learn more about themselves and the world. It’s their connection with others that inspires greater congruence and competence. You
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– Your Highlight on Location 4803-4806 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:42:54 AM
This is an important distinction, especially if you don’t consider yourself a “people person.” It doesn’t matter whether you are natural with others. What matters is this: “Do you want to learn from others? Will you take the time to do it? Will you genuinely try to engage someone and learn about how they think, what they need, what they stand for?”
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– Your Highlight on Location 4818-4819 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:44:27 AM
What drove the development for high performers in each of these areas was curiosity.
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– Your Highlight on Location 4821-4822 | Added on Wednesday, December 20, 2017 11:45:01 AM
Curiosity x (Competence + Congruence + Connection) = Confidence
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